Die, Die My Darling...

oh yeah that's right.. I was nearly killed

why is it that you could be the only car on the highway, yet some jackass feels the need to pull right out in front of you anyway.. instead of waiting 2 seconds for you to go by?!?! Yup, that's what happened to me last night.

So there I was on the way home from work.. it was pretty boring cause I was by myself and it's a 35 minute drive. Minding my own business like a good little driver, when some a-hole in what I'll assume was a semi, but could at least be described as a hellaciously large truck, waits til the VERY last second to pull out in front of me.

My first thought was the typical 'what an idiot!!'... I'm laying on the brakes pretty heavily, but not slamming, until I realize that this truck has a huge bed on it..which ends up blocking both lanes! and the only reason I even saw it, was because the miniscule reflectors just happened to do their job at just the right second. So then I'm slamming the brakes, seriously thinking I'm about to plow right into this dumbass.

and this would be the point most people talk about their lives flashing before their eyes.. and to be honest, that's how I thought it would be. Strangely enough, I didn't spend that last second thinking of those I love.. my only thought was 'you can't die singing Air Supply'........ THAT WAS IT!! That was my profound 'last thought'!! I love the song, but come on! I couldn't go out like that!!! Isn't that ridiculous?? So stupid in fact, that if I HAD died, I would have insisted, from the grave - via dream visitation, that it be mentioned in my eulogy. That's how it would start.. "Kari came to me in a dream.. she wanted you all to know that she died singing along with Air Supply.. to be specific, it was 'All Out Of Love'. And that's the kind of dumbass she was".. and then hopefully everyone would laugh, and miss me a little, and then you know, go on talking about how great I was. HA!

So my big stupid 'near death' experience got me thinking. I'm really weird.. Sometimes even I'M suprised by my own warped thought process. Don't get me wrong, I'm happy with myself, and wouldn't have it any other way, but sometimes I just have to point and laugh at myself.

and I wonder what other people think too.. bringing me to story # 2....

at work a few weeks back, I had trainees sitting with me. Yes, sitting with ME... even though I go into work everyday feeling like I have no idea what I'm doing. I actually pitied the first chick... she couldn't possibly have learned anything from me. Lucky for her, she seemed to have a good enough grasp on things... didn't need much help anyway. The second lady had already worked there for 3 years, so basically, I had someone who knew the job inside out, watching me bullshit my way through the day. Niiiiiiice. I can't having someone looking over my shoulder.. not to mention the fact that I was only supposed to be taking calls up until the first break, but for some reason, I took them the entire day while she listened through a headset plugged into my phone.. *cough*I got hosed*cough*

so I ended up with a migraine, and somehow, a totally thrashed contact lens. But the best part of this story, is when I logged in that day, she wasn't there yet, so I'm sitting there pulling all my programs up.

Then I thought I heard my phone ringing... which of course it was ringing, because otherwise, the Underpants Gnome song from South Park wouldn't have been blasting out of my purse. For a second though, I guess because of the computer noise, I couldn't really tell.. so what do I do? Did I open my purse and take out my phone?? NO! Of course not!! I chose to hold my purse up to my head so I could check it that way. Of course that was the exact moment my 3-years-experienced trainee decided to show up.. I didn't know she was there until I heard 'Hi Kari'... I turned in my chair, with the purse still in place, firmly pressed against my ear, and as I said before, blasting the underpants gnome song. Can you imagine what was going through her mind?! haha

PRICELESS!!

and THESE are the stories I'll tell my grandchildren one day.