BEAR SIGHTINGS... AT MY HOUSE... THAT'S RIGHT! BEARS! MY WORST FEAR! AT MY HOUSE!! AAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!! *HYPERVENTILATING* swear to god.. I'm so afraid of bears its not even funny! It's probably because I watched 'Grizzly' when I was a kid. Have you guys even seen 'Grizzly'?!?!?! Total 70's cheese about some gargantuan bloodthirsty maniac bear on a rampage. I say cheesy, but it totally scared the crap out of me.. nothing could get me to watch that movie EVER again!!! The bear was so huge, they couldn't kill it with guns.. if I remember correctly, they had to BLOW IT UP with a ROCKET LAUNCHER!!!!!
oh god.. SO scared of bears... I have nightmares about bears around my house all the time! AND NOW IT'S HAPPENING!!! no, it's not a huge bear, it's a small black bear.. like the size of a big dog. But do you think that matters to me?!?! CAUSE IT DOESN'T!!! this could only end badly.. it's not gonna be like 'The Great Outdoors', where John Candy shoots the hair off that bear's ass, and hilarity ensues... oh no... it's gonna be me spending all my money on bear repellent and guns (do they even make bear repellent?? do you know where I can find some??), then mistaking my neighbor's dog for the bear, assassinating it with completely unnecessary and over the top firepower, and ending up in jail for it. my entire life, nobody's ever mentioned seeing a bear in our general vicinity.. WHY do they have to come sniffin' around now!??!?!?!
AAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!!! ok, I'm calming down, I'll be fine... I just need some bear repellent and some guns. maybe a rocket launcher.
Monday, March 26, 2007
Friday, March 23, 2007
*PUKE*
this would only happen to me... at work the other day, I answer a call as usual, go thru my 'thank you for calling blah blah blah, this is blah blah, can I get the number you're calling about bla la la'.. then I hear a male voice mumbling something about his home phone number and his cell phone.. ooooooook.. LOVELY I can barely hear him, and I have no idea what the hell he's talking about, so I ask his name... he doesn't give it to me, but proceeds to go thru his story about his home phone and cell AGAIN (this happens a lot, nobody can answer a f#ckin' question anymore).
Fine.. I'm straining to hear him, but finally figure out that he's asking how to turn his phone off. (this happens a lot too, cause nobody knows how to use their f#ckin' phones).. so I go thru the usual 'press and hold the button with the red phone on it'.... followed by 'nothings happening'... followed by me saying 'press and hold'... followed by 'oh'.. by this time I'm convinced that the guy is handicapped, and for that reason have let his bad attitude slide.. also because he's thanking me profusely for what I've just taught him. Hmm.. that's nice.. people seem to think that just because you're nice to me now, it somehow erases the fact that you were a complete assface not 5 minutes ago.. but I digress. So I start to close the call.. I ask if there's anything else I can do for him. He says no, and lets me get all the way thru my 'blah blah blah, have a great day' before he's yelling 'MISS! MISS!'.... did I mention I HATE WHEN PEOPLE DO THAT?!?!?!?!
it was worse this time, mainly because I couldn't hear him, or understand 90% of what he was mumbling. so he starts saying something about staying on the phone with me, and something about 'round the world'... with an occasional 'oh lordy' thrown in... for good measure I guess.. this goes on for a while, with me giving generic answers like'yeah', 'uh huh'.. or 'hmm?'.. the occasional 'I'm sorry, what was that?'. All the time trying to figure out a way to end the call, and to be as polite as possible, because obviously this man is retarded, and probably all the other reps he talked to didn't have the patience to help him. that sounds good, doesn't it. what a good little samaritan I am.yeah, I thought so too.. until I covered my other ear so I could hear him better. it was about that time that I started noticing more 'oh lordy's' being thrown in, and some other noises going on. So I could only assume he was, ahem.. roughing himself up...
I suppose I can't be sure, but this brings up several questions.. Was he really retarded? or was he just molesting himself?......... or maybe BOTH?!?! GAH!!!! SICK!!! Ya know, this is pretty funny, but still.... I can't tell you how gross I feel... I'm feelin' a little violated. yeah, that's kinda over dramatic... that's why I said 'a little'. ICK! Scarred for life!
Fine.. I'm straining to hear him, but finally figure out that he's asking how to turn his phone off. (this happens a lot too, cause nobody knows how to use their f#ckin' phones).. so I go thru the usual 'press and hold the button with the red phone on it'.... followed by 'nothings happening'... followed by me saying 'press and hold'... followed by 'oh'.. by this time I'm convinced that the guy is handicapped, and for that reason have let his bad attitude slide.. also because he's thanking me profusely for what I've just taught him. Hmm.. that's nice.. people seem to think that just because you're nice to me now, it somehow erases the fact that you were a complete assface not 5 minutes ago.. but I digress. So I start to close the call.. I ask if there's anything else I can do for him. He says no, and lets me get all the way thru my 'blah blah blah, have a great day' before he's yelling 'MISS! MISS!'.... did I mention I HATE WHEN PEOPLE DO THAT?!?!?!?!
it was worse this time, mainly because I couldn't hear him, or understand 90% of what he was mumbling. so he starts saying something about staying on the phone with me, and something about 'round the world'... with an occasional 'oh lordy' thrown in... for good measure I guess.. this goes on for a while, with me giving generic answers like'yeah', 'uh huh'.. or 'hmm?'.. the occasional 'I'm sorry, what was that?'. All the time trying to figure out a way to end the call, and to be as polite as possible, because obviously this man is retarded, and probably all the other reps he talked to didn't have the patience to help him. that sounds good, doesn't it. what a good little samaritan I am.yeah, I thought so too.. until I covered my other ear so I could hear him better. it was about that time that I started noticing more 'oh lordy's' being thrown in, and some other noises going on. So I could only assume he was, ahem.. roughing himself up...
I suppose I can't be sure, but this brings up several questions.. Was he really retarded? or was he just molesting himself?......... or maybe BOTH?!?! GAH!!!! SICK!!! Ya know, this is pretty funny, but still.... I can't tell you how gross I feel... I'm feelin' a little violated. yeah, that's kinda over dramatic... that's why I said 'a little'. ICK! Scarred for life!
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