How disappointing...

On the way to work the other day, I got behind an enormous garbage truck.. on the back was a sign that said 'DRUGS ARE TRASH' and what it should have said?? 'DRUGS ARE TRASH. GIVE THEM TO ME AND I'LL THROW THEM AWAY' If Mr. Garbage Guy had only gone the extra mile with his sign, I could have laughed at least a good 30 seconds longer. I feel cheated. and that is all.

'Tomorrow was made for some...Tomorrow may never come, for all we know'

What's that noise?!

It's me.. breathing through my mouth. Got a wicked cold.I'm siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiick....... *cough* and how can my nose be stopped up AND running?!?! HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE!?!?! Whoever thought that one up deserves a swift kick in the ass. Hmmm, this fever is fryin' my brain. SIZZLIN'!All doped up on cold medicine and nowhere to go.

"Now no one's knocked upon my door, for a thousand years or more. All made up and nowhere to go. Welcome to this one man show. Just take a seat they're always free. No suprise, no mystery. In this desert that I call my soul, I always play the starring role."

Once I get that song out of my head, I'm gonna curl up in bed, maybe hallucinate a little from the fever, and watch Anne Heche skank up another episode of Nip/Tuck. (*** I just watched it.. she wasn't in tonight's episode. ha HA! EAT IT HECHE!!!)somebody. anybody.. make my cold go away.

Seriously.. I need a hug.. and something to blow my nose on. Ya know, whatever ya got.

The sky isn't falling...

and so the meteor shower I've been looking forward to all day was kind of a letdown. Stupid clouds. Stupid cold weather.

it was kind of cool to be standing all by myself outside my house til after midnight though.. listening to leaves crunching on the hill while some giant shadow moved about. I'm pretty sure it was one of my neighbors cattle.. unless it was a really fat deer. You don't see many fat deer though, so I'll stick with it being a cow.

this would have been one of the rare occasions when it would be cool to live waaaay out in the country. I could have done without the pesky traffic and the giant lights my neighbors have.

So I stayed out until I couldn't feel my face anymore, and a couple cats started fighting in the field below my house. There's just something about it that always scares me.. perhaps it's the fact that my cat used to get in rancid fights all the time.. in the middle of the night... right outside my window. It doesn't help that I'm completely disoriented when I wake up... so waking up to a catfight at 3am is enough to give me a coronary.

The clouds broke just long enough for me to see a couple meteors though, so I didn't come away completely empty handed.

So it was worth it.

and I even managed to make a couple wishes..

They are shooting stars after all.

"At my door, the leaves are fallin', a cold wild wind will come.

Sweethearts walk by together, and I still miss someone."

Pumpkins!!!

God I love Halloween... Pumpkin #1... I got this idea somewhere on the net.. it didn't really turn out like the original, but I think it's better anyway..


Pumpkin # 2... the picture is shitty.. and I wasn't really sure what I was doing with this one.. I was kinda pressed for time.. The mouth looks kinda funny, but when it's all lit up, looks totally like hundreds of needle teeth. YEA!!

Someone at VH1 deserves a raise...

To whoever came up with Celebrity Paranormal Project... I tip my imaginary hat to you, sir. I'm almost ashamed to admit I thought it couldn't get any better than 'I love the 80's'... oh but it can. Yes.

Haunted places.... weird camera angles... the trainwreck that is Gary Busey... Now that's a recipe for quality entertainment.

and I have to say.. All the times I've gone ghosthunting, things that happened, things that we saw (ask me sometime about my flashlight dying in the Carroll house, or the shadow at Woodland, or the ghost we taped at St. Mary's... OOOoo, I nearly forgot the time a friend screamed like a 5 year old girl while we hauled ass out of Woodland.. Ah, to hell with asking me about that one.. I'll tell it in a minute)... I could never have done any of that crap by myself..nooooo way.

these people definitely have guts. I can respect that.

My only problem with this show, and the only problem I ever had with Mtv Fear, was the kind of stuff they have these people doing. It's one thing to go to places like this to observe, but automatic writing? Asking spirits to take over your body??!! What?! Are you CRAZY??!! Trained professionals hardly do that stuff.. It's just asking for trouble if you don't know what you're doing, and pretty disrespectful to boot.

Don't be fooled by my rant though, I'm not trained, I don't profess to know what I'm doing at any given time in any given situation, and I suppose it could be argued that my reasons for ghosthunting would be asking for trouble (reasons being entertainment, with a side of legit investigation, and a generous sprinkling of fear). BUT, I've never been disrespectful to whoever or whatever was there... that's a bad situation, or an equally bad B-movie just waiting to happen.

Still.. It's a good enough show to inspire another one of my useless, rambling blogs. I'll definitely be tuning in next week. Anybody wanna bet on whether or not the king of exercise infomercials, Mr. Tony Little himself, is gonna squeal like a woman?? Don't get me wrong, I love Tony Little... I watch his infomercials, I even bought a Gazelle Freestyle (aka 'the gazelle coat rack'), but 10 bucks says he'll be hitting the high notes before the evening's through.

Alright, on to the story... God, I'm like an old woman.. If any of you were actually hearing this in person, I'm sure it would be accompanied by stale cookies and ribbon candy, and I dare say, maybe some catfood pate on ritz crackers... Ooo how posh, how... ritzy!

So anyway, picture it. Creepy cemetery.. Late at night. Trish and her cousin in the front seat, nameless male friend and myself in the back. A little background on Mr. Nameless.. Or as I'd rather call him, Corporal McWussy. At the time, he was one of our good friends, but always the one talking about all the scary stuff he'd seen, haunted places he'd been to.. You know, the 'I'm-the-encyclopedia-on-all-things-occult-nothing-scares-me' type.

I almost forgot.. I was setting up the scene. Sorry! Back on track!

I would mention a creepy fog rolling in, but frankly, I don't remember there being any, and it would've only served to make the scene scary, and make the actions of the McWuss more socially acceptable.

So we park in the cemetery, and just sit there in silence.. Watching, waiting for something to happen (which it always did before.. You'd be suprised)... and it just so happened that night, there wasn't anything going on. No creepiness. Nada. So we decide to leave. Start up the car, snail it thru the cemetery as not to attract any unwanted attention, when all of a sudden, I hear this noise behind me.. Like a little kid talking. I froze, asked everyone if they heard it, which of course they didn't. (Yeah.. I'm *that* character.. The first to hear anything.. The one who's laughed at, only to die first and be believed later... but I digress). So the noise starts up again, that time everyone heard it.. And then all at once it was me screaming, Trish and her cousin screaming, me basically adhering myself to McWuss for protection, and Trish's cousin stomping the gas... then strangely, I noticed that it wasn't us screaming so much anymore, as it was Corporal McWussy. and honest to god, screaming like he had morphed into a little girl. Long story shorter, our 'ghost' ended up being a Sesame Street toy that belonged to her cousin's little boy. It was in the trunk behind my seat.. I was sure if we opened it up, there wouldn't have been any batteries there, but for some reason, her cousin was against checking it out. Needless to say, the drive home was a bit tense.

We don't hang out with The Corporal anymore.. And no, it's not necessarily because he screams like a girl.

Here's a great tip. Don't be fake... it's the quickest way to end up humiliating yourself. If you're a nerd, be a proud nerd.. If you get scared easily, who cares! there's nothing wrong with that! If you scream like a girl, I won't laugh at you (unless you deserve it!). If you like Air Supply, great, so do I.

BUT..... If you're gonna act like a badass, have the grapes to back it up!

oh yeah, and watch Celebrity Paranormal Project!

FIN!!! <3

"Yes'n try to ignore... all this blood on the floor...
It's just this heart on my sleeve that's bleeding"

Binx is leaving the building...

yeah, I named the kitten Binx.

and now he's dying

probably the saddest thing about watching this little creature die, is the fact that he's still purring.

Kitten Scratch Fever...

I know I've said this in another blog, but my cat is a deadbeat. Not only is she a deadbeat... she's a slut. My cat is a slut. ...AND she's handicapped... it's a triplethreat! In essence, I am the government to this cat.. I pay for her food.. I give her a place to live.. and how does she thank me?? By churning out babies that all look the same, that she always abandons... that I always end up trying to save. I give em a name and some of that nasty store bought cat-milk.... then I end up holding them while they die, one by one. Damn this sucks. I swore I'd never do it again. All the years I preached about getting your animals fixed so things like this wouldn't happen... and now I'm doling out welfare checks in the form of Meow Mix to at least 5 cats that I can't tell apart. It's freakin 'Attack of the Clones' at my house.

Who'd have thought this cat would live so long?! I live next to the road for god's sake.. any other cat makes it 1 or 2 years before they're hit by a car. She's even been hit by a car (I bet this explains the handicapped part, right?) and she's still going. The second I spend all that money getting her fixed though... and it's roadkill city.. no doubt. I've considered drugging them and dumping them somewhere.. or perhaps, an elaborate assasination attempt. Does this make me a bad person??? Ah, I don't think so.. cause I really don't think I could do either one of those things.. I don't have the grapes to be a cat assassin. Hmm, that's pretty fun to say... cat assassin.. I gotta save that one. and where is this story going? Ah yes.. 10:30 the other night, I go out in my yard.. whoops, that's not what happened, that's a Dead Milkmen song. ANYWAY! I came home from work last night to the cries of a kitten.. obviously the little bugger was yowling, otherwise I wouldn't have been able to hear him over the rain. YES! THE RAIN! That's what makes this so much more interesting!!

So I go in the house, put all my crap down, and come back out with my trusty flashlight.. searched around for a little while, and finally found a teeny gray kitten... drenched and shivering underneath a tree next to my house. When I say 'underneath a tree'.. I mean way back in there. So there are tree branches in front, 2 giant shrubs wedged in next to the tree, and the fence wedged in on the opposite side. He was closer to the fence actually.. and for a second I foolishly thought I could just stick my hand thru and drag him out. Not so.. as I keep forgetting I'm not 5 years old anymore.. I've got small hands but I'm not about to get myself stuck in a fence.. in the pouring rain.. after dark. So after spending a few minutes trying to coax him out to me.. which was stupid, considering he's probably all of 2 weeks old.. he barely crawls.. I decided to go in after him. Now this part took some planning.. I've explored 99% of our property.. played in every creek, climbed every tree worth climbing.. but strangely, I've never dealt with that tree, or those shrubs. Keep in mind, I did NOT want to do this.. it was cold.. everything was soaking wet and muddy.. it was STILL raining, and who knows what god awful bugs and creatures are living in those branches. There could be spiders for crap's sake!!! BUT, apparently the sound of an abandoned kitten can break even the crustiest heart. And so, I rolled down my sleeves, zipped up my jacket and pulled the hood up. Then I threw back the branches and set about my rescue mission.

Getting in was easier than I thought, although the first word out of my mouth was 'eeeeeeewwwwwww'. It was like being in line at walmart.. ya know, where the person behind you keeps inching closer, so you end up having to inch closer to the person in front of you.. and neither one of those people are the type you want to be in the general company of anyway.. yeah.. that's what being between a drenched tree and a drenched shrub is like. Not somewhere you'd want to be. So I'm in.. and I find that after all this careful planning and strategizing.. I'm still about a foot away from the kitten.. and no way to get closer.. so I just put my hand on the ground and told him to come on. Would you believe that worked?! Yeah, I couldn't either. Ah, I suppose it was worth getting muddy and rained on. Now I'm trying to think up a name.. I think I've used all the good ones already. Hmmm. and bottle feeding a kitten kinda sucks... he's already scratched the hell out of my hands.. buuuuuuut.. there's nothing like seeing a tiny little ball of fluff totally pig out on fake cat-milk (ick), and then purr itself to sleep in your lap.

On the other hand, I hate all this mushy 'feelings' crap.. I hate the fact that I've already gotten attached to something that will more than likely die in my hands while I cry like a little bitch. DAMMIT! Yeah, that's kinda negative.. and I probably wouldn't be this way if I hadn't already done this entire scenario 20 times over. While that's a pretty selfish reason for not wanting him to die.. I still hope he makes it. He is pretty cute ya know.

"You've got the butterflies all tied up. Don't make me chase you, even doves have pride"

CRAPTACULAR!!!!!

Yes indeed, it's that time of year again!! Time for me to get a wicked cold! Paging all hot male nurses!! STAT!!What a way to start my vacation... so I've spent most of the day in and out of consciousness.. doped up on cold medicine, coughing like an old woman with too many cats and a nasty case of emphysema. Now, for some reason my entire back hurts... what's up with that?? Haha, and get this... I woke up this morning clutching my Vicks sinus-clearing inhaler thingy... aww, how romantic. Has anyone else ever tried those?? They're pretty bitchin', although it feels kinda strange to be sticking that thing up my nose and snorting a bunch of menthol fumes... it's like I should have been in the bathroom of an LA club or something. Hmmmahh well, I still have 7 days of vacation left, I'm just hoping I can kick this cold's ass before I'm all out of time. On the bright side, I can sing right along with Bonnie Tyler and Kim Carnes... although 'Bette Davis Eyes' doesn't sound nearly as good when there's coughing and hacking between every chorus!!! hahaha*cough*hahaha

FIN!!

No, Mr. Bank.. I don't want your help...

but I need it.. Ooooh I hate that. yeah that's right.. I stopped by the bank the other day to grovel for a loan. For what? you ask... HA! I bet you'd like to know.. okay, I'll tell you. It's to build a bathroom and a kitchen, so I can move out. I know you're thinking... "but Kari... where are you gonna put a kitchen and bathroom... and what house doesn't already have that??' Well, shows what you know! It's all going in a vacant gift shop. Oh yes. And what a bitchin' little shop it was.. brand new carpet.. central air.. cable tv.. lot's of SPACE and that's what I need! Some SPACE!! Space, and unconditional control of the thermostat and television. I could actually do the kitchen later, but I figured what the hell... ask for enough money to get it all done, then bargain for less if I have to. As long as I get a bathroom.. I'm not above microwave cooking and paper plates.

I'm gonna be so bummed if they ask for a co-signer. It would kinda grate the pride a bit.. Yeah I know I could get one... but I don't WANT one! I want as little help as possible. For god's sake, one of my proudest moments was getting my car without anyone's help.. picking it out.. going in for the kill... spending way too long fighting over the deal.. (I figured if they were gonna screw me over, he might as well work for it!)... getting the loan without having anyone else sign for it. Aaaaaall mine. OOoo I still get all giddy just thinking about it. Wow.. yes. That's lame. But everyone should know by now, I don't deny! I testify! So I'll find out in a couple days if it's gonna go thru. Since ol' Kari has a decent credit score but no collateral, they have to take it to the loan committee... So yeah, everyone wish me luck from the almighty loan gods. Good thing I have a dental appointment that morning.. so I should be sufficiently doped up not to feel the sting of rejection if it should happen. On the other hand, it could lead me into overzealous celebration if they do give me the money... somehow, embarrassing myself over a lump sum of money doesn't really sound that bad. People do it all the time on Publisher's Clearing House commercials.

Wow, since this has been a suprisingly unfunny blog, lemme just tell you something stupid I've done lately. I was in the gift shop the other day.. I look around and see all this mouse crap everywhere. So I start to freak out.. 'Oh god, there are mice in here! Oh god! I have to clean up mouse crap!' and of course you can't vacuum it.. cause apparently you'll get some kind of icky lung virus and die. Since I don't want some kind of airborne crap virus takin' me out... I came back with a dust pan and a stereo. Nothing but the sound of Pantera and my knee cracking. Soooo... a dustpan and a half into the abyss of turds... I actually forced myself to take a good look at them.. cause you know, I'm not really one for gazing at turds.. and it's at that point I realized, they weren't turds at all... they were those damn stupid bugs that roll up into little balls.. Yeah I know that's a bad description.. I know you know what they are though. Apparently, in the throes of death, these little a-holes curl up into a ball that looks suprisingly like a mouse turd.. if you're not examining them closely, mind you.

My first thought was 'YES! No mice!' followed closely by the sound of the Hallelujah choir, followed even closer by 'CRAP! I just spent an hour sweeping up something I could have vaccuumed in 30 seconds!! CRAP!!' Ah well, at least I cleaned them up. I deserve a weekend at the beach for doing it the hard way though. Maybe I'll do it too... just to bring everyone one of those 'baby-shark-in-a-bottle' souvenirs... or perhaps.. if I'm feeling generous, a squished penny with some kind of beach-themed store logo on it. Now what kind of normal person wouldn't like to have one of those! Who cares if you had to pay a dollar for it!

Who needs crack when you can have a Dairy Queen Moo-Latte?!

and a word to the wise... never order the large mocha moo-latte.. it should come with a warning label. the ice-headache... the caffeine rush... most of the day is a blur now. I'm not sure what happened, but I may be wanted by the FBI now. If they ask where I am, none of you know anything... Before that, I did lunch with my brother Joe... we had to check out the new mexican restaurant in town. It was 'El something-or-other'. Ya know, my restaurant reviews would be so much better if I could remember the names. Well anyway, the food was actually pretty good. I was dying for a chicken taco, but decided against it as I'm afraid of breaking more teeth... I've broken two now, and I can't get into the dentist til JULY!! I thought broken teeth was a pretty big deal??.. apparently it isn't.

Back to the food... so, at a loss for what to order, I ended up getting some combo with a chicken enchilada and a chicken burrito, rice and beans. As usual... way more food than I could eat. I made it through the enchilada and some rice. Eh, that's what those neato styrofoam containers are for. and maybe I'm easily impressed, but I was blown away by the fact that they make their own hot sauce. hmm Anycrap, the food is good, the price isn't bad, and the staff speak clearly. I always love that. Now for a warning.. I'm not sure what the deal is, but on their back wall is a really strange mirror... The paranoid in me says it's a two-way mirror. Needless to say I wouldn't use their bathroom... who knows what hidden spy tactics are going on in there. *raises eyebrows* and that is all

And the gods have smiled upon me...

Yes.. Stoli Blueberi... so of course this will be the main ingredient of the famed Blueberry Bitchslap, which I have yet to complete the recipe for. it might end up just the blueberry vodka and some blue gatorade, as a friend very recently introduced me to the glory of vodka and sports drinks. Gotta keep those electrolytes in check. eh, but that's it for now..... it's 2am, I'm bored out of my mind..... I think I'll continue my months long search for my Pat Benatar - Best Shots cd. It's not even that great of a cd, I only really bought it for 'Invincible', but it really bothers me when I lose things. I must find it! I refuse to re-purchase it! No, Pat Benatar, you can't have any more of my money!

Later Taters

Ian McKellen and Broken Teeth...

that pretty much sums up last night... Went to see The DaVinci Code... by the way, I wish they would have just called it DaVinci Code... I can't say 'the' in front of it... comes out like 'DaDinci' and no, I'm not going to ramble thru a review. I'll only say that Ian McKellen stole the show. Yup. That is all. and to the car I pulled out in front of while trying to make a right on red... Sorry man... my contacts were clouding up.. yeah. So anyway, on the way back to the car..( which was miiiiiiiles from nowhere, considering the parking garage was full... pfft). I chipped a tooth!! How you ask? Chewing gum!!! Perhaps I need a calcium supplement... but honestly, who'd have thought my left molar would be defeated by half a stick of Orbit?? CRAP!! I mean, it's not like I was trying to knaw my way thru a chain link fence or something! I just stood there for a minute, staring back and forth between Roger, and the couple pieces of my tooth that I was holding.. I wasn't sure what to do, so I put 'em in my purse. Like I can just glue them back on! HA! and I can't get to the dentist til probably next tuesday.. .......... I knew there was a reason I bought that dental acrylic set from Monster Makers...

The Squirrel Whisperer...

Ah yes, another episode of 'Kari's Urban Exploration'.... today's adventures took Rog and I to 2... yes 2 quite large cemeteries. I'm talking large.. I've got the blisters on my feet to prove it... they go well with the giant burn on my leg that I got from a botched curling iron encounter; the details of which are quite embarassing. I'll just say this.. never be so foolish as to think you can iron the hem on a pair of homemade capri pants with a large-barrelled curling iron..... while you are wearing said capris. Yeah, the hindsight's pretty clear on this one.

Anycrap, I love cemeteries... is that creepy? Ah well, I don't care, they're great places to think. And really, you could spend hours just thinking about the people there...who they really were, how they died... if anyone remembers them now. God I hope people remember me when I'm gone. Do you ever wonder what kind of an impact, if any, you've made on other people?? or if they'd miss you if you weren't there? Jeez what a downer. So I've been thinking a lot lately; trying to figure myself out... the way I think, or overthink rather. Dang if that isn't completely self-centered. Someone smack me! Anyway, I've been thinking about why I do or don't do things, or leave things unsaid. why things I try to keep bottled up end up coming out at completely inopportune times, like right now. why things I say always seem to come out wrong. Yes, I've spent scads of time doing this and it's completely ridiculous... anything that's bugging me is totally insignificant compared to the major shit other people have going on.

So, to all the people like me who let things get to them..... QUIT!! yeah, I know it's easier said than done.... TRY! ....to all the people who don't let stuff get to them... GREAT! GOOD FOR YOU! ....and to the people who leave religious pamplets on my car, right before it rains, knowing it's gonna get stuck to my windshield and gunk it all up........EAT SHIT!!! Ahh, that's better......Moving on.. This time I managed to remember my camera, but not the batteries... so I only got a few pics. I think they may have been 90% squirrels though.. they're just so darn cute. I could stand there all day, camera poised, just waiting for them to do something funny. What a waste of good film. ha has anyone noticed that graveyard squirrels are different than regular squirrels? I mean, I suppose it comes from, you know, living in a graveyard.. but they're strange. ha, I bet you're wondering if I'm gonna follow this up with a story. Um, yeah!

So Roger and I are standing there by some monument thingy that looks like the stairway to heaven, and I look over just in time to see this fat little squirrel, upside down near the bottom of some freaky tree (have you noticed cemetery trees are different too?)... I take a picture, and the little dude comes at me like we're gonna fight... like I'm the paparazzi and he's Sean Penn or something. Then he twitches his tail and jumps around for a bit, then stands there and stares. Not to be outdone, I say 'oh yeah! let's have a staring contest! I bet you break first!'.....and then.....I shit you not.. the squirrel moves it's little hand as if to say 'who, me?!'.....and then I'm all like 'Oh yeah, you!'.......you know, I'm not sure which is worse, the part about the squirrel moving it's hand, or just the whole idea of me having a conversation with a squirrel... but I digress. Long story shorter, he broke first (ha HA! Take that, Admiral Fuzznuts!), and I came away the triumphant winner. Thank you, Thank you... no applause. After that, we got munchies from Burger King, and went down to the river bank to eat.

5 minutes later we're knee deep in conversation with some drunk guy. Honestly, I'm like a magnet for these people... like a bug lamp or something. So he's telling us he was quarterback in '72.. that he'd like to retire to tijuana...and then some story about some 550 pound guy who wanted to be a potato bug. (?!?!?!) "oooo he wanted to be a potato bug so bad!......and then he died that day... that day that he died" Yeah, it didn't make any sense to me either. so then he convinces himself that Rog is my dad.... then he decides we must be on a date... then I think for a minute he thought I was a hooker. I think maybe the 6th time I said 'he's my best bud'.. it finally sank in. then he wanted to talk a little too much about me being pretty, so we decided it was time to bolt. even with all the crap that happens on these outings, they've been some of the greatest times ever..... Next up on the adventure list (maybe not the very next, but soon)... Loretta Lynn's old house in Van Lear. Who'd have thought it was somewhere I'd be itching to visit?? Well I am! and that is all for now. Thank you, drive thru

International House Of Conspiracy...

I'm plagued by IHOP commercials!! Just when I can fit back into my old jeans again!! Pfft! Is this some cruel twist of fate or what?? Haha I'd say diet be damned, but I have no idea where ihop is!! I might have to google-map it. Damn you International House Of Pancakes!!!! ..You and your tasty looking foodstuffs!! Damn you to hell!!

ahhhhhhh crap...

had a shitty day at work...... I got moved to the desk directly behind my manager.. and why you ask? Well, I'm pretty sure I suck at this job. I'll spare you the lame details. "when sorrows come, they come not single spies, but in battalions" .....damn straight Bill, damn straight. Eh, I'll crawl out of this hole tomorrow. In the meantime I'm gonna go drown my sorrows in cocoa pebbles.

...I know the spark inside your eyes was just the match I used to set myself on fire...

I've decided that I need a signature drink...

yes, I think everyone should have 'their' drink. Only I haven't figured out exactly what mine should have in it. The only things I'm sure of... it needs vodka it has to be blue and it shall be called...... are you ready?? a Blueberry Bitchslap. Somebody get crackin'! I need a recipe, stat!

ooooooeeeeeeeeoooo.. Killer Tofu

Today marked the beginning... and the end of my relationship with tofu. Since I know you want to hear aaaaaaall the details... I just happened to stroll into walmart when Roger was getting off work. Yup, Roger.. aka the coolest guy you'll ever meet... the guy with the greatest hippy drug tales you could ever hope to hear... the guy I went on the 'legit' ghost hunt (oh, excuse me 'paranormal investigation') with (that's another day and another bitchin story), I really can't say enough, he's been my best guy friend for damn near 6 years. ANYHOO!!! I hadn't seen him in forever so we decided to check out a new chinese place we'd heard about. I don't even know what it was called now...It might have had the word Dragon in it....actually, who cares.

I did however, laugh at the fact that I'm pretty sure the window just says 'Gourmet Buff'..unless I just couldn't see the whole thing. I'm actually suprised myself at the amount of jokes you can make about Gourmet Buff... and what kind of establishment it would be. Ha. I'm not sure if this is a widespread problem, but some people assume that the sneeze shield over the food also deflects your voice. Because there we were, in front of the mongolian potatoes (which were decent, by the way) and he's talking to me about how weird it is that there are mexicans working in a chinese restaurant. While that's pretty funny, I still can't stand five feet away from them and talk about it! Maybe I just have super freaky hearing, but I think I could hear someone talking about me from that distance. Ah well, I commend his fearlessness. <3 On to the tofu.. I knew immediately what it was, there's no mistaking those little cubes of pasty death...okay, so I didn't know they were cubes of pasty death yet, but I still knew it was tofu.

So I just throw out the usual.. 'Dare ya to eat some tofu'.... he says 'I will if you will' aHA! Counterattack! So you know I couldn't wuss out.. even if I did choose a cube on the smaller side. Honestly, they didn't actually look that bad, had some kind of garlicky sauce goin' on. So we throw back the tofu at the same time. Maybe that was a sign, because I've never seen a 'lets eat it at the same time' have a happy ending. Indeed.....the only word that comes to mind is 'squidgy'. Oh god, the horror..like a gym sock full of beans, rolled in some garlic.. all condensed into a tiny grey cube. I guess I can't blame anyone.. I mean, I've seen how they make tofu. What the hell was I thinking?! So we spent the next couple hours just walking around town, handing out loose change to the occasional transient, and looking at all the fake storefronts (they're filming a movie there, for those who don't know), and I actually fell in love with a fugly little retro chair in the window. I'm actually still wishing I had that chair.. honestly, you could build a room around it. Sorry, but I can't even describe it other than fugly retro.

Then it started to rain again. I LOVE THE RAIN! and Rog is probably the only one who'd keep walking with me. Sometimes there's just nothing better than walking around in the rain with nowhere in particular to go. Yeah, we got soaked, yes, we ended up looking like hell, but who cares! oh yeah, and about the restaurant, I'd tell you not to go there, cause the food isn't even that great and it's overpriced, but since I don't know the name, I guess I can't. Just avoid the place with 'Gourmet Buff' in the window. and that is all

A zillion random useless facts. Enjoy...

I wish more people did this, I know I like reading random crap about others...

~My favorite color is metallic blue
~I'm a Leo
~I hate those religious pamphlets that look like $20 bills.
~I hate the people who give out religious pamphlets that look like $20 bills.
~I'm in a good mood 95% of the time.
~I use the words Bitchin' and Sweet.... a lot
~I have a giant list of words and phrases I find funny, and would laugh at in any given moment.
~I made an ass of myself on the 'Mr. Cartoon' show, circa 1988. Thank god my parents accidentally taped over it with an episode of Geraldo.
~I am not a morning person. Any attempts to converse with me in the morning are completely futile.
~I don't like spending money... unless it's on shoes... and then only if they're really cool. *cough*NewRock*cough*
~Another strange money related Kari fact -- If I don't have any money, all the things that I like to do are automatically pushed to the forgotten crevices of my brain.. like sleep mode or something. For the simple fact that it sucks to think about all the things you want to do, but don't have the $$ for, and I'm not about to spend someone else's money on something I want to do. As soon as there's money in my pocket, it all comes flooding back. How weird is that?!
~I don't like talking on the phone. Probably the only chick who doesn't.
~People who leech off the government, or don't bathe piss me off.
~Close-minded people royally piss me off.
~I am deathly afraid of bears and sharks.
~I can't stand touching ice cubes. *shudder*
~I've got a story for everything.
~I named my old car Roxanne cause the interior lights were red.
~I hate food noises, or any gross noises in general.
~Contrary to popular belief, I am not on drugs, nor have I ever voluntarily done drugs.
~I always wonder what people are thinking when they look at me. I hope it isn't 'Damn, she's ugly!' that would suck!
~I love the word 'Pygmy' and try use it in general conversation as often as possible. EXAMPLE: "Bob was attacked by a rabid pygmy goat, and if we can't get the antidote, he'll turn into a pygmy goat at midnight... damn pygmy goats."
~I can't stand asking for help.
~It's nearly impossible to offend me, unless you're just straight out making fun of someone.
~If I'm not thinking of anything in particular, I end up looking totally pissed off. I guess this unnerves some people. Like it's my fault! I promise I'm not an evil bitch! Sometimes I catch myself, and I'll move my face around so I don't have the shoot to kill look.
~I'm a pack-rat.
~Sometimes I'll think of a song, and then get so into it that I start moving my head along with the music.
~My grandma has been dead for 14 years, but I still distinctly remember what she smelled like -- kleenex. Not fresh kleenex, but the ones you keep crumpled up in your coat pocket just in case. It bothers me that I can't remember her voice.
~My other grandma died 3 years ago, and when my dad called to tell me, I was in the middle of a dream about her funeral.
~My eyes are green, but there's some brown in there too, which has led to several arguments about what color they are. They're my eyes! I know what color they are!
~One of the coolest things I've ever seen was on the plane home from California, it was storming, I was listening to Led Zeppelin - Kashmir, and the lightning was going along with the song. Being in the sky, and watching it all light up like that probably kept me from having a coronary.
~I can't stand to cry. I'm pretty good at keeping it together unless someone tries to hug me. It's like, if I look like I'm gonna cry, don't touch me unless you're prepared to have me latched on to you for a while. I can say from experience.. most people aren't prepared for that.
~I love coffee, but I'm stupid when it comes to all this latte and espresso crap. Just give me regular coffee dammit!
~I was in girlscouts, but only for the cookies.
~My dog growls at anyone who tries to wake me up too early.
~I looooove theme parks.
~I can't eat in complete silence. I just can't. I need background noise.
~I have 3 brothers and 1 sister. I'm the baby
~I'm afraid of spiders, and if I kill one, I have to hide the body so it's little spider family won't seek revenge a la 'Arachnophobia'.
~I can't stand people who don't have a sense of humor.
~I can find humor in anything, but I also know when to be serious.
~I'm very sarcastic, and I've realized that not everyone is like that. There are also lots of people out there who can't take a joke. I hate those people.
~I love ranch salad dressing, and most anything ranch flavored.
~Trish has been my best friend for over 10 years
~My best guy friend is in his 50's, and one of the coolest people I've ever met.
~I can't dance. I'm even bad at slow dancing. The last guy I danced with told me just to stand on his feet and he'd do all the work. Talk about making me feel like an ass!!
~I love playing in the rain, but I never do it, because nobody else likes getting drenched in a downpour, and I don't want to do it by myself.
~ I have noticeable trouble saying 'Saturday Night Live'.
~I love trying foreign candy and fruit. I'm not into weird meats though. You should always know what you're eating when it comes to meats.
~I am a jerky fiend though.. beef, chicken, turkey.. it's all good.
~Overly sexual people bug me. Like they learned their entire vocabulary from a cheesy romance novel. You just don't use words like 'tender', 'juicy' etc.. unless you're talking about steak. Even then it still bugs me. Don't get me wrong here, I'm a total perv, but there's a time and place for everything, ya know?
~I think one of the best accessories is a pair of cool sunglasses.
~I've never seen a guy look bad in a military uniform or a tux.
~I can't use a public bathroom if the cracks between the stall doors are too wide. I've actually had nightmares about that.
~I'm somewhat ashamed of the fact that I sometimes confuse Star Wars afficianados with Star Trek fans. I'm sure calling a star wars fan a trekkie would be considered blasphemous enough to have me burned at the stake.
~I'm really good at figuring out who or what people look like. It's a blessing and a curse though, as no one ever wants to hear about the woman I worked with who looked like a cross between Gene Simmons and Rob Schneider.

FIN!!

I just wanna say, chili willi's SUCKS!

Ok, the waitress was nice, I'll give em that. But 3 bucks for a chicken taco?! CRIPES! And it didn't even taste like chicken! I'd bet the rest of my money it was turkey. Apparently, chili willi's is the kind of mexican restaurant that people with digestive problems frequent... like old people or something. 'I just want it to look like mexican food... but don't actually put any spices in it!'. You know, no offense to old people or anything. ha and to top it off, I guess their sewer gets backed up a lot. Go figure. We're waiting for our food, and I catch a whiff of that unholy sulfurous stench, that for a second makes you wonder if there's an exorcism going on in the back. But I guess there wasn't, unless the staff just passed it off as sewer probs. Hmmm. I SMELL A CHURCH COVER UP! and there's my rant of the day :) ORDER UP!!

hahaha.......eeeeeeeew....

So I got my first 'guy-too-cheap-to-pay-for-a-900-number' call today.

Yup, that's right. It started off innocent enough, the first thing he said was how nice my voice is.. (strangely enough, I hear that all the time. I guess I try really hard to sound nice at work.haha). Then he's asking me if he'll get charged for the phone he just sent back in, and I'm trying to look through the notes on his account to see when all this happened. In the meantime, he's babbling on about flirting and how I sound cute, and how I don't sound like I'm from Kentucky (probably cause I'm not. HA!), and am I married, and yadda yadda yadda, bla la la... I usually let people ramble while I'm trying to look at their account anyway, so I wasn't paying much attention.

Then he asks me if we tape our phone calls... so like an ass I say 'I'm not really sure which ones they tape, they don't tell us'.... yeah, that was pretty much asking for it. I know that now. But honestly, what kind of cheap bastard gets his jollies from call center reps?! Ick!

So then, he's asking me stuff like what I look like, and I'm trying to dodge the questions by saying crap like 'geez I don't know, I'm not good at describing myself' (which isn't a lie anyways, but I digress), then he starts guessing.

"What color hair? Black? Blonde? Brown?" ....ok brown.

"Eyes? Blue? Green?"... *sigh* green

"Weight?".........HA! like I'm gonna tell that! pfft! I should have just asked him if he'd ever seen the video for 'Sweet Emotion'. That probably woulda shut him up real quick!

"Hmmm, okay, I have other questions, can you help me?..." to that I said only if you wanna know about cellphones.

in between all these questions, he's saying other things that just seem like he's trying to make me talk.... and the way he was talking leads me to believe he wasn't just sitting there picking his nose.

Talk about making me feel dirty.. and not even in a good way. j/k

then he's got the grapes to ask me about my boobs. HA! I don't discuss the girls with anyone. So I basically just asked him if there was anything he wanted to know about cellphones, and I'm not even sure I let him answer before I said thank you for calling yadda yadda.. goodbye.

Now this is one of the only things I don't like about my job.. Normally I would of just hung up on the guy, but I'm not allowed to hang up on a customer. I have to try and help him (with his cellphone. cellphone!!!).

Ah, all in a days work

On the road again... Part Deux..

Okay, so the roadtrip was awesome... and yes, we picked a really swanky hotel... but only because two chicks on a road trip alone is kinda dangerous. We wanted something with good security and as close as possible to the venue... and when you put hicks in a swanky hotel... well, you can imagine. I own nice luggage, but for an overnight stay? Nope.. I had a huge blue backpack, a shoulder bag thingie (okay, that's part of my luggage) and a victoria's secret bag. That one ended up staying in the car when I thought about how retarded it would look for me to waltz into the lobby with a victoria's secret bag full of small appliances. How was I to be sure they'd have a hairdryer? Luckily they did.

No, I've never used valet parking... no matter how snotty the hotel, it's still a shifty-eyed teenager in a red coat. Even if wasn't my car (we took Trish's), I still didn't trust em! But, it was either pay the kid fifteen bucks (!!!) or have to haul our crap two blocks from a parking garage. Yeah right! So we check in, and the room was awesome.. mini-bar and all. For some reason, the hick side of my brain overruled the side of logic to actually produce the thought 'Don't even touch the minibar or you'll get charged!' So then we take a cab to the venue. I'd never been in a cab, so again.. new experience for Kari. haha. So we get in, and the guy is wearing some pretty stout cologne. Did I mention my love of cologne? Yeah well, this cologne was bad.. real bad. Anyway, the man rolls down the window like WE stink! hahaha Gotta love it. So then he starts speaking some foreign language into his cellphone. Apparently in his native tongue, whatever the hell it was, the phrase 'good luck, man' is still the same as in english.. it was like "jabberjabberjabberjabber Good luck, man!! jabberjabberjabberjabber". The five bucks we paid for a three minute ride was worth it just for the laughs.

We get into the venue, and spend the next couple hours plastering it with posters... so many posters, that one of the barworkers actually asked us to stop. He didn't think the fans would take them down...whatever, they were nearly all gone by the time the show was over.. kids were getting them signed left and right. HA! MR. BARWORKER! I SCOFF AT YOU! SCOFF SCOFF!! First band was Zao.. all this time I thought it was pronounced 'zow', I guess it's actually 'zay-o' or something to that effect.. actually I don't even care, cause I didn't like them at all. I'm all for growling, but occasionally, I like to be able to pick out a word or two in the songs. and then there was DevilDriver. Not to sound like such a fan, but they honestly get better every time I see them. Great set, the crowd went insane, the circle pit was crazy, and lo and behold, they were filming for the dvd. It would happen that there was an insane bright light that would flash like every 30 seconds.. honest to god it was like 'the light'.. just made me wanna say 'Can you show us the way home, Carol Anne?', so if there's any shot of me on the dvd it would be when the light flashes and I'm freaking out and covering my eyes. hahaha after their set, Trish and I made our way to the merch table. This was of course, after we'd made our way to the bar... and since we'd only had a sandwich from Arby's... the booze hit me 'like a garbage truck... dropped off the empire state building'.. and so, this is the only picture I could be dragged into...



and nope, I don't really remember taking it. We completely missed Trivium (eh, no biggie) and In Flames (damn).....but, we were with great people, so a good time was had by all. Took another cab back to the hotel at some point, and the valet guys were still out, waiting to open the door for us. Yeah, that was really nice, but we were honestly just trying to make it to the elevator without stumbling into something. haha Next thing I know, it's after 6am, and Trish is talking to me.. I'm not a morning person anyway, and I was still basically pickled in crown royal. it went a little like this.. 'Kari?' 'Yeah, where am I?' 'You're in your bed.. in the hotel' 'Where are you?' 'I'm in my bed'.. and I think there may have been a '...dumbass' thrown in there too. Haha So I open my eyes and I can't see anything... I have a milisecond thought that I've drank myself blind, and then I remember I left my contacts in. Whew! Thank god for that.

Then I hear 'dude, they even put chocolates on our pillows'..... then I think to myself, 'chocolate... what chocolate? I never saw any chocolate.' then I start to panic, thinking I've slept on it, and there's gonna be some huge brown stain in my bed... eeeeeeeew! Right about that time is when I saw it on the nightstand. Whew! Lucky. Throw off the blankets to discover I'm wearing the same clothes.. bar bracelet and all. If this happened to me more than once a year, it would be a lot less funny. In fact it would be pretty sad. Sad in one of those 'Lifetime Channel' kinda ways. Then, we fell victim to the room service breakfast menu... that's what happens when you leave all of your munchies in the car... a car that is now basically owned by the valet redcoats.

So instead of Munchos and Dr. Pepper, we had sausage links and hashbrowns... honestly, that was pretty brave... I'm not sure how we made it through that much grease without throwing up. The ride home was pretty uneventful, just basically laughing at the same things as on the way up.. I defy you to pass a sign for 'Big Beaver Creek', 'PeePee Creek', 'Wetmore Road', 'Tater Ridge', or 'Buttles Street' without laughing. Maybe I'm just into cheap humor, but stuff like that will never cease to crack me up. Eh, that's about it. All in all, probably the best road trip ever. I know I've left out so much stuff....I really need to start filming them.

On the road again...

God I love road trips. I don't like driving in snow, but it's for a worthy cause. Where's global warming when I need it?! HUH?

ahhh, off to finish getting ready. If anyone needs me, you know my #.

I'll be back tomorrow... hopefully with lots of bitchin' pictures.

FIN!

pfffff...

Do you ever feel like you're asleep at the wheel?

by wheel, I mean life.

Quick, somebody slap me before I get really lame.

I'm sorry guys, I promise I'll perk up when winter's over. Cold weather sucks.

"...old man winter can kiss my ass".

I gotta get a new camera...

How can I be a camera whore with such a shitty camera?? How can I take those artsy fartsy 'I'm in really deep, wistful thought' kind of pics and then mess with the color and contrast until I don't even look like myself with such a shitty camera? Well, I shouldn't be... but I am. It's shameful. And you would think since I used to work in a photo lab, I would have a decent camera. Actually, I do... and it's pretty nice, but it's 35mm... and thanks to my rejection of change and all things digital, when I finally broke down, I settled on the cheapest, and in turn, the shittiest. Yes, it's my own fault. I'll take the blame. I don't deny, I TESTIFY!!! I think I'm actually a paranoid old lady in a 24 year old body.. Seriously, I don't trust people, I reject nearly all new technologies, I don't like the holidays, I don't know what I'd do without my electric blanket, I know my dog's name, but I haven't the slightest idea how many cats I have and what their names are, and I'd bury my money in the back yard if I thought I could find it without drawing a map.. and really, if you gotta draw a map, well that just defeats the purpose doesn't it?

and I would have added 'blind as bat' to the list, but I just got contacts (and new glasses too.. the old ones had been sat on more times than I care to think about). It's really strange to be able to see now. It still doesn't register though, so it's gonna take me a while before I start acknowledging people when I pass em. So don't get pissed if I ignore ya! Cause I'm not, I just haven't realized that I can actually see you now! HA! Eh, I guess the first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem.. Ya know, this blog seemed to flow well in my head anyway.. but now it just seems like my usual inane ramblings... and I even left out the dream I had about being an investigator trying to thwart a plot to assasinate Bob Dylan... and how the other day, coming home from work, I eluded a cop on the city streets of Ironton while listening to the 'Oh Yeah' song from Ferris Bueller's Day Off... now that was strange.. and also pretty funny. Hmm

Another New Devildriver Video!!

Go watch it!! End Of The Line and yes, it's that time of year again... time for a roadtrip! The hotels have been booked, mix tapes (ok, cds.. whatever) are being mixed... and a good time will be had by all. as for the songs on the mix tape, I'll give you a tip.. never listen to the top gun theme song (no, not the Berlin song, the Steve Stevens thing) while you're driving down the highway. It just makes you feel oddly triumphant when you pass another car.. like you've beaten them or something. Then you get really embarrassed. Trust me on that one. And I think everyone would like to know, I'll be temporarily cleaning out the address book on my cell, so nobody has to worry about my inebriated dialings this time. Of course, I just happen to be the funniest drunk on the planet. No lie. At least I think so anyway.
: P

"I've been walking my mind to an easy time, my back turned towards the sun. Lord knows when the cold wind blows it'll turn your head around"